Comments on: What to do when your family feels he is not good enough for you

By: tryingtomakeyousmile

tryingtomakeyousmile — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 12:01:34 +0000

What do you do when you feel like your not good enough for your family?
My mothers side of the family along with my mother makes me feel that I’m not good enough for them. Even though I am 33 years old they still look down at me.They often compare me to to my sister.I want to be a part of the family but they keep hurting my feelings. My mother often tells me that I should be more like my sister. I like being an individual I like who I am. It just really hurts.
Please give me some advice!

By: trucker girl

trucker girl — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:29:59 +0000

I’m your age too. My rule is that if I wouldn’t put up with it from a non-relative why should I put up with it from family? I only hang around the family members that are loving and supportive – who needs that other negative crap? It just drags you down.
If it’s real bad, move away and only see them on major holidays – but only if you want to wreck your holidays too.
References :

By: pmac

pmac — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:27:59 +0000

I am sorry your family; especially, you Mom has hurt you in this way. The key is that you; like who you are. That is so very important! I know it really hurts, when others judge us but sometimes people do hurtful things either out of ignorance or self-centerness. If this was me, I would meet with my Mom for lunch somewhere and I would tell her that if she wants me to continue seeing her she has to stop saying hurtful things. Tell her all that you feel. It doesn’t matter what her reaction is, you will have told her and that will feel good eventually and she will respect you for it. Then, give her some time and space. Next, surprise her with a visit when your sister is not home. Don’t just sit around and talk but do something together. Be especially kind to her and show her that you have good points too. Try not to give up on your Mom, she is old and having a difficult time adjusting to something; I have no idea what. But, Mom’s are important to us – even when they hurt us. So, don’t just never see her; because, that will leave you with guilt.

In summary, take your stand – tell them you are upset and then give them time to change.

Finally, I wish you the very best. Families, mean so much and that is why they can be a real heartbreak. But, it is worth the extra effort.

Granny
References :

By: emilsignia

emilsignia — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:25:59 +0000

1. Do something totally altruistic to the point where your family actually feels ashamed of themselves. (get a write up in the paper on your Red Cross trip to help the tsunami victims)
2. Have big-wigs praise you in front of your family. There is nothing greater than praise through inference.
3. Now that your family is confused, find a Mother-like Figure in your life that’s not your mother. Find a Sister-like Figure that’s not your sister. Make sure these people are awesome. Invite everyone to the same parties. Refer to them as "my second mom" and "you are like a sister to me". You can have "aunts" and "cousins" too!
4. Let someone drop that your "second mom/sister/aunt" is thinking of giving you a surprise party. Watch your family scramble to pay you your dues.

Basically my advice to you is: Everyone in life has a role. Nothing gets people to fulfill their role faster than if you give it to someone else.
References :
This all happened to me by accident, so I know it can work on purpose.

By: sundus g

sundus g — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:23:59 +0000

i think u should talk to ur mom bout how she is acting and what problems u having by her sayings to you. and if they or she herself dont understand ... then jst leave them and move on !
References :

By: sunshine

sunshine — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:21:59 +0000

I know it hurts-because we love them, and we just want them to love us back. No matter how much we try to please them,(or be someone were not) it seems it will never be enough, I’m tirid and ready to just give up.We didn’t do anything to deserve this, sometimes I think what is so wrong with me? Am I that bad? I am starting to think maybe they are just not very nice.My husband told me to stop being they’re doormat-maybe this could help you too.
stand up for yourself.
References :

By: Blossom_Kitty

Blossom_Kitty — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:19:59 +0000

I’m 38 years old and still to this day get compared to my cousin….whom I’ll call "The Golden Child"….. I spent most of my adolesence trying to make my family proud of me….almost to the point of making myself insane. I took on job positions I hated, but were "status quo" for my family, lived a lifestyle that I thought would make THEM proud, rather than making myself happy. I don’t know when or how it hit me…but at some point I woke up and said ENOUGH and started living life for ME. And that’s really all you can do is live your life for you and not for everyone else. I had to have this discussion with my family…."I’m not the Golden Child, I’m me…I can’t be the Golden Child, I can only be who I am…accept me for who I am."
References :

By: Anyutka

Anyutka — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:17:59 +0000

You cannot live the same life as your sister–so you have to make a stand and hold on to your decisions. I have heard the same from my family a lot– you should do this and that, just like you sister, you should find a b/f, just like your sister… bla bla bla… but the thing is IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN because you are two different people. My suggestion is to forget about what people say and be an individual. Live your life like you want, because when you get really old, you will regret living someone else’s life… good luck!
References :

By: YourDreamDoc

YourDreamDoc — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:15:59 +0000

Ignore – First, you have to ignore what others say. Most of time, people hurt by comparing things. Yet, they never compare anyone who is worse than you, always better. In their mind, that is encouragement, actually, that is negative reinforcement. Yes, it hurts, don’t let that float into your mind or you will never get confidence

Accept – However, take some constructive criticism if any. Some words may be helpful. Use it to boost up your confidence, aim and purpose in life.

Calm and fake- Whatever you do, ignore or accept, don’t show emotion out or you will be backfired. In other word, if you ignore and show your emotion as not acceptance, they may hurt your more. On the contrary, if you accept and not able to do it, they will say it anyway. Calm yourself down, and fake your emotion in front of them. Hard, but you have to try it.

Look away and compare down – tell yourself someone is worse than you. Find someone in life who is not as good as you are. Only tell it in your mind. That may make you feel good.

Good luck!
References :

By: myheartisjames

myheartisjames — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:13:59 +0000

cut negative harmful toxic people out of your life… you don’t need that energy…..
References :