What to do when your family feels he is not good enough for you
Parents and loved ones always seem to put a damper on our love
life. When you feel that you have finally found the love of your
life, the problem now becomes getting your family to accept your
guy and see how charming he really is. Sometimes, it can be
tough to get them to see what you see in your guy. Sometimes, in
their well-meaning attempt to make sure that you get the best,
they encroach into your private life – where you ought to be the
sole decision maker.
I am sure you have had the experience of introducing your date
to members of your family and afterward, had your parents,
brothers and sisters gather around you to give you their opinion
on the guy.
Sometimes these opinions may be just what you want to hear, but
sometimes you are saddened and disappointed, when they tell you
that they don’t like your new guy. If your guy is truly a lover,
someone that is making you happy, there are ways you can get
your family to know him better and see him for who he is.
Start by inviting him home for dinner with your family. Be sure
he wears something that you are certain will impress your folks.
He doesn’t have to wear formal attire. He can be casual. You
know the kinds of clothing that will impress your folks. If they
are not into tattoos, it may not be a good idea for your guy to
rub his tattoo-covered arm in their face. A long sleeve shirt
may be a good idea, at least until they get to know who he
really is on the inside. It is quite easy to have a negative
opinion of someone based on his outward appearance. If your
folks are not into tattoos, they may put him in the “Bad-biker”
category, when in reality he is just a cuddly teddy.
Moments like this need to be handled with the utmost care. It is
hard enough that he will be meeting your family, who will
undoubtedly assess him from head to toe to ascertain his
suitability for their lovely little angel. Parents sometimes
have a hard time understanding that you are old enough to take
care of yourself, or that you have already been doing that for
quite a long time now. No matter how old you are, they still
think you are their little princess, and they feel obligated to
protect from the bad boys of the world.
Before you invite your new beau over for dinner, tell your folks
ahead of time to relax and make your guy feel at home. Let them
know that you are watching their every move to make sure they do
not ruin the moment for you, or embarrass you by asking your guy
questions you have not even discussed with him. You know -
questions like, “So when are you getting engaged to my
daughter?” or, “You have to have a good job, if you want to
marry my daughter.” This line of questioning will certainly make
both you and your guy feel very uncomfortable.
When the day finally arrives, everyone has been properly
introduced, and you have gathered at the dinner table to eat,
start your conversation by sharing those things that endear your
guy to you. If he has a special skill or talent you think will
impress your folks, share it with them. If he is an excellent
artist, a great athlete, a brilliant student or professor, let
your family members know his great qualities.
Be sure to keep things light and funny. Always strive to make
comments that put him in a good light. The picture you paint of
him will largely determine whether or not your family members
will change their opinion of him. You hold the key to your
parents accepting your guy. You simply have to know how and when
to use this key intelligently.
Once dinner is done, and your guy goes home, he should call your
folks to thank them for a wonderful dinner, and also to let them
know that he thoroughly enjoyed meeting them.
If you need additional information on how to make your man fall
madly in love, please visit: http://www.smartwomansguide.co
Steve Ubah – Smartwomansguide.com
http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/what-to-do-when-your-family-feels-he-is-not-good-enough-for-you-135.html
15 Responses to “What to do when your family feels he is not good enough for you”
Got something to say?
I lived this way all of my life , and finally at 36 I said enough is enough and told every single one of them that I am good enough for my husband and kids I dont need them in my life anyways… I dont speak to the 4 I had the problem with at all anymore , but I didnt have that problem with my mom either..Sorry i cant be of help to you I wish you the best…
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Just let them know how you feel and that you feel that your not loved by them. That’s what I do.
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Be yourself but be sociable.
Be proper if that’s their problem.
Try to be warmer.
Don’t make yourself a sucker either.
It’s just likely you prefer to be too different for their tastes. Ever had to stand-offish moments?
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I have the same situation with my family – always comparing me to my sisters, and making comments that make me feel like poo. If I mention it, I’m wrong for making them feel bad and giving them a guilt trip. After years and years, I have just learned to ignore it. Otherwise my feelings would get hurt every time I visit them or talk on the phone with them.
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Family is tough to deal with and you shouldn’t take it personally since you enjoy who you are. Your mom shouldn’t be comparing you to your sister. That is wrong on her part. I have a sister and my mom tries to understand us all and not judge. I think you should just ignore it and live your life girl!!!
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cut negative harmful toxic people out of your life… you don’t need that energy…..
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Ignore – First, you have to ignore what others say. Most of time, people hurt by comparing things. Yet, they never compare anyone who is worse than you, always better. In their mind, that is encouragement, actually, that is negative reinforcement. Yes, it hurts, don’t let that float into your mind or you will never get confidence
Accept – However, take some constructive criticism if any. Some words may be helpful. Use it to boost up your confidence, aim and purpose in life.
Calm and fake- Whatever you do, ignore or accept, don’t show emotion out or you will be backfired. In other word, if you ignore and show your emotion as not acceptance, they may hurt your more. On the contrary, if you accept and not able to do it, they will say it anyway. Calm yourself down, and fake your emotion in front of them. Hard, but you have to try it.
Look away and compare down – tell yourself someone is worse than you. Find someone in life who is not as good as you are. Only tell it in your mind. That may make you feel good.
Good luck!
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You cannot live the same life as your sister–so you have to make a stand and hold on to your decisions. I have heard the same from my family a lot– you should do this and that, just like you sister, you should find a b/f, just like your sister… bla bla bla… but the thing is IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN because you are two different people. My suggestion is to forget about what people say and be an individual. Live your life like you want, because when you get really old, you will regret living someone else’s life… good luck!
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I’m 38 years old and still to this day get compared to my cousin….whom I’ll call "The Golden Child"….. I spent most of my adolesence trying to make my family proud of me….almost to the point of making myself insane. I took on job positions I hated, but were "status quo" for my family, lived a lifestyle that I thought would make THEM proud, rather than making myself happy. I don’t know when or how it hit me…but at some point I woke up and said ENOUGH and started living life for ME. And that’s really all you can do is live your life for you and not for everyone else. I had to have this discussion with my family…."I’m not the Golden Child, I’m me…I can’t be the Golden Child, I can only be who I am…accept me for who I am."
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I know it hurts-because we love them, and we just want them to love us back. No matter how much we try to please them,(or be someone were not) it seems it will never be enough, I’m tirid and ready to just give up.We didn’t do anything to deserve this, sometimes I think what is so wrong with me? Am I that bad? I am starting to think maybe they are just not very nice.My husband told me to stop being they’re doormat-maybe this could help you too.
stand up for yourself.
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i think u should talk to ur mom bout how she is acting and what problems u having by her sayings to you. and if they or she herself dont understand … then jst leave them and move on !
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1. Do something totally altruistic to the point where your family actually feels ashamed of themselves. (get a write up in the paper on your Red Cross trip to help the tsunami victims)
2. Have big-wigs praise you in front of your family. There is nothing greater than praise through inference.
3. Now that your family is confused, find a Mother-like Figure in your life that’s not your mother. Find a Sister-like Figure that’s not your sister. Make sure these people are awesome. Invite everyone to the same parties. Refer to them as "my second mom" and "you are like a sister to me". You can have "aunts" and "cousins" too!
4. Let someone drop that your "second mom/sister/aunt" is thinking of giving you a surprise party. Watch your family scramble to pay you your dues.
Basically my advice to you is: Everyone in life has a role. Nothing gets people to fulfill their role faster than if you give it to someone else.
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This all happened to me by accident, so I know it can work on purpose.
I am sorry your family; especially, you Mom has hurt you in this way. The key is that you; like who you are. That is so very important! I know it really hurts, when others judge us but sometimes people do hurtful things either out of ignorance or self-centerness. If this was me, I would meet with my Mom for lunch somewhere and I would tell her that if she wants me to continue seeing her she has to stop saying hurtful things. Tell her all that you feel. It doesn’t matter what her reaction is, you will have told her and that will feel good eventually and she will respect you for it. Then, give her some time and space. Next, surprise her with a visit when your sister is not home. Don’t just sit around and talk but do something together. Be especially kind to her and show her that you have good points too. Try not to give up on your Mom, she is old and having a difficult time adjusting to something; I have no idea what. But, Mom’s are important to us – even when they hurt us. So, don’t just never see her; because, that will leave you with guilt.
In summary, take your stand – tell them you are upset and then give them time to change.
Finally, I wish you the very best. Families, mean so much and that is why they can be a real heartbreak. But, it is worth the extra effort.
Granny
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I’m your age too. My rule is that if I wouldn’t put up with it from a non-relative why should I put up with it from family? I only hang around the family members that are loving and supportive – who needs that other negative crap? It just drags you down.
If it’s real bad, move away and only see them on major holidays – but only if you want to wreck your holidays too.
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What do you do when you feel like your not good enough for your family?
My mothers side of the family along with my mother makes me feel that I’m not good enough for them. Even though I am 33 years old they still look down at me.They often compare me to to my sister.I want to be a part of the family but they keep hurting my feelings. My mother often tells me that I should be more like my sister. I like being an individual I like who I am. It just really hurts.
Please give me some advice!