Things You Could Expect if You Start to Date a Divorce Man
When dating a divorce man depending on if he has been divorce for awhile or has just recently got one there are several things that you could expect from that man. In this article I’m going to give you just a few of the things you could expect form a divorce man.
Some men after getting a divorce may have some commitment or self-esteem problems due to their previous relationship. Some guys could be scared to commitment after a divorce because they are worried to get close to anyone in fear they will get hurt again or they just don’t feel like taking the time anymore to try to be with someone. Other guys may have self-esteem problems such as fear of rejection, fear that they aren’t good enough to have a relationship again because of how their last one turned out. Just remember if you really like him and want it to work then take your time because this could be very difficult thing for them to do. Let them know its okay if they want to take their time and feel things out before they rush into anything
Another thing you could expect from a guy who has just got out of a divorce is money problems. Divorce isn’t cheap they can sometimes cost tens of thousands of dollars and if that guy has kids then they are most likely going to be paying child support for each of the kids he may have with that person and they don’t stop paying until the have reached adult hood (18 years of age) and trust me the moms aren’t going to take $50 a month, their going to try to get them for as much as they can. Yes the money issue could resolve its self after awhile but it’s just another thing to look at if you are starting to date a man who has gone through a divorce.
A big problem could be an ex-wife especially if it was the man who wanted the divorce and not the women. Now if the guy really likes you they won’t let their ex-wife mess things up, but it’s nice to be aware of an ex-wife that may have some jealousy issue or has/had a problem with the divorce. This is not uncommon for a ex-wife to have problems with the former girl their ex-husband is dating, so if necessary ask how they think their ex-wife would handle them dating but don’t push the question because it may still be a sore subject for them to talk about.
Well I hope that I have helped you figure out some of the thing you could expect when dating a man who has gotten a divorce, But don’t let any of this stop you from dating a guy that’s has gotten a divorce because he might be someone you can really talk to and hey who knows you guys might end up together and happy in the end.
Darin Lawson Hosking
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/things-you-could-expect-if-you-start-to-date-a-divorce-man-90832.html
19 Responses to “Things You Could Expect if You Start to Date a Divorce Man”
Got something to say?
thats waaaaaaaaaaay to long….do you honestly expect someone to read that and give u advice? i’ve already forgotten waht u wrote in paragraph one…..and i was on paragraph 3….
ask this again but with fewer words.
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He’s trying to make you jealous. He sounds immature.
You guys are crazy if you plan on getting married without meeting each other first. Crazy, crazy, crazy (cough, and desperate).
Meet one another. As much as you feel you "know" each other, you really honestly don’t until you meet him face to face.
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Cut your losses and RUN!
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wow, for someone in their 40s I thought you’d be smarter than that. How the hell you could be getting married or involved with someone whom you’ve never met physically. There maybe someone is cyber space who is messing with your mind. the person you are talking to could be anyone. An old/young man or woman. married, single or divorced. Someone over Nigeria trying to scam your money. Forget about it!! move on……..
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Don’t marry this guy, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.
Move on.
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ok well once agian you have everyone telling you you are crazy yada yada yada well here’s what i think, i think that he is a pig, a dirty cheating pig, so if he did it to all these other girls what do you think he could be doing to you and since you are both forty then he’s been playing this game for a long time now so it really is once a cheater always a cheater with him, i wouldn’t think for a minute that he is loyal to someone he hasn’t even seen so be real careful ok??? i think you already know this though….
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Yes…that’s WAY too much to read, but I saw everything I needed to in the first 3 or 4 paragraphs.
1) Why would you marry someone you haven’t even met??? That’s crazy. How do you know he isn’t some psycho killer or something. I met my fiance online also, but I NEVER would agree to marry him before meeting him.
2) From the instances of him telling you about random women…you don’t deserve that, and should run away fast. He will just manipulate you for the rest of your relationship.
3) Find a guy you can see, touch, talk to, and get to really know…IN PERSON before getting married…you’ll be much happier in the end.
In short…get out. Now…
Good Luck.
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Bride-To-Be
05-16-09
You did not have to write all of that to get an answer. Why are you with this lying, cheating pervy creep? You say you know him but NO you do not know him, you know what he chose to present to you over the internet. You have no idea what he is really like so why would you plan to marry this guy. Why are you preparing the place where you will live? Why isn’t he preparing a place for you. I see HUGE red flags here and my advice would be to head for the hills as fast as you can and get far far away.
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Maybe he’s one of those types that get a rush from the internet love and when he meets up with them, the flame dies. He’s a playboy it sounds like and you can do better. My dad found his current wife on the internet and now she’s just starting to find out about the skeletons in his closet. Be careful, with the internet, you never know what you’re truly getting.
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Can u do me a favor and answer my question for me please.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Akxcbplk21ttJFBgx14S_.vsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20081011091514AAlu2ol
Red flags are just that…red flags. Sometimes women ignore them in hopes of getting what we ultimately desire…marriage. What you see in him now will not change because of marriage. This is not deep stuff…the solution is simple to me. What you see is what you are getting. Is this what you want in a husband? He sounds like he will be eternally uncommitted and he’s probably addicted to internet dating. Many people are because they like the attention. Bottomline…you don’t need us to tell you something you already know. You just need the courage to do it. I’m 39 years old…never married…no kids…I would NEVER settle for someone like him just to say I’m a married woman (and I do want to be married one day).
Peace and blessings
P.S. Don’t marry a man you NEVER met.
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Well, he sounds like a real gem, a keeper…NOT!
Why are you planning/hoping to marry this loser, who you have never met, and treats you so badly?
Listen to your inner voice, ditch him and move on.
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>>Ok…I am in a long-distance, but very intense, relationship with my fiance’. Yes, I did meet him on the internet. No, we have not yet met in person.<<
I found your problem 2 sentences into your post. You are engaged to someone you haven’t even met. You absolutely should not be engaged to someone you haven’t met. All you know about this guy is the image he projects over the internet and phone. He might even be married for all you know. I recommend you break your engagement at once. I would recommend you then meet him in a public place, and start with normal in-person dating: but this guy is a creepy pervert who messes with women’s minds. So you need to change your email address and phone number (to unpublished) and disappear from his life.
This guy is a player. Sounds like he may have other girlfriends and "fiances" as well.
Yep, here’s the smoking gun. You definitely need to dump this guy at once!!!
>>Well, in a small nutshell, he would tell fiance’ number 2, all in secret of course, that he loved her and wanted to marry her, and they made plans to meet. Then he’d log off, and go have sex with fiance’ number 1, only moments after telling fiance’ number 2, that he loved her, and that he would become her husband, and he made secret plans to go out to where she was staying and be with her. So he was cheating on both of them, at the same time.<<
***
>>he has never left me or abandoned me or told me "he needed time alone" or "needed his space",<<
Hon, the guy has 6-hour chats with another woman. You’re certainly not cramping his style!
And the breast thing: That’s him constantly objectifying women.
P.S. I hope you’re not lending him money! If he’s asking to borrow any, then he’s almost definitely a scam artist.
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how do you know he doesn’t have another fiance out there in cyber land like you? sounds like he is a player who gets his jollies from playing woman and even hurting them. Maybe he knows exactly what he’s doing when he makes those little comments. I think its a sign that he will never be able to commit to one person because his wandering eyes. So if I was in this situation I’d say its time to get out now and find a guy who isn’t like that.
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Please stop explaining for a minute, and listen to what everyone is telling you about the basic problem with this engagement being in your first paragraph. You do not know this guy. You know the version of himself that he puts forward online – a version that, consciously or not, probably glosses over some of his real life flaws. That means that the oversharing and detailed fantasizing – to say nothing of his already spotty track record in relationships – could be just the tip of the iceberg. Meet him before you take the planning for the future any further, and be on your guard.
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This guy is NOT sweet, he is does not accept you for who you are, he is MANIPULATIVE – what he is working up to is getting you to do exactly what he tells you to do, and I can hear between the lines that you are wondering whether your body is good enough for him. All that stuff about C cups. Next thing he’ll be asking you to get a breast enlargement. Or send him money (this whole thing could be working up to a scam).
Now this won’t be because he really cares about what size you are. What he cares about is controlling you. If you think back, at some time you’ve probably given him an indication that you are unsure about your own breasts and he has picked up on that. Trust me, if it was your nose or your eyes, or your tush that he picked up you were worried about it would be those he’d be fixating on, telling you he was turned on by other women’s noses/eyes/tushies.
Cut and run – to the mirror. Look at yourself and ask yourself why you would think that the body you have needs to be changed to make yourself acceptable to a man you don’t really know.
It is the 21st century. You have all the tools to be your own person, and society expects this!
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Years of experience as a wedding officiant dealing with couples in healthy relationships, couples who know that a healthy relationship is one in which the whole person, not appearance, is the key to real love.
Okay sweetie, time for a ‘Come To Jesus’ meeting…
I also met my husband online…we chatted online under nicknames for over two years, then IM’d under our first names only for 1 year, then talked via phone for 7 months before we met face to face….
Yes, I very well undertand the connection you think you feel online with someone but until you actually meet the and spend time with them, you really don’t know, truly……..BTW we dated for a year before we married-just celebrated our second anniversary. and we were also long-distance…his job enabled him to fly up constantly in that year we dated…he never ever talked about other women’s boobs and getting erections from being flashed by strange women…wow.
I never would have agreed to become engaged /married to a guy I never spent actual face to face time with….never.
How can you say he is ‘patient, tender, and protective of you’ when you two have never been together and experienced any situation together..’never left your or abandoned’ you"…Honey, you two have never truly been together except sharing internet time….think about it.
Now, he’s telling you all this ‘guy locker room stuff ‘…what’s the point?
..and you know he has a history of cheating…..
And all these mentally ill fiancees of his? Sure, right………maybe one but 2? Nope, don’t think so……
And 6 hr online chats with some dame up in Canada…would LOVE to know what they talk about…ditto all his other women.
And this seems kosher to you? Are you that desperate here? THINK about what you are posting here……
This is more than a red flag, Hon…..it’s a grenade……..
Please, engaged? No. no, no….not good, not good…..
All you know is what he chooses to tell you, you have no idea what your intuition will tell you if and when you meet……
…and don’t be suprised if you find out he has other ‘fiancees’……
Better find out if he really is who he says he is…..you can do that on the internet..you can also find out if he’s married, divorced, single, has a criminal background, yada, yada, yada..may cost a few pennies but it’s worth it….
Jeeze, I’ve never IM’d the guy and I wanna block him………..this is not good, this is dangerous…please be carefull.
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55 years of Life’s Experiances
OK, I haven’t read the other responses, so I don’t know if I’m repeating anything you’ve already read.
1. [Online history/habits] It seems like he has a history of having online relationships in which he makes a woman his fiance, and then ends it by meeting another woman who he makes his fiance as well. He doesn’t seem trustworthy, whatsoever. He probably is addicted to the computer and the high he gets of getting on and being able to hide behind a computer and turn himself into anyone he wants to be. He is able to lure women in this way, and he loves that he can control the situation.
2. [Breast issues] Why is he even saying those kinds of things to you? It’s one thing to notice, he’s a man, what can he do? It’s another to speak about it to his fiance, the woman he intends to marry. It is wrong on so many levels, especially the way he phrases it. I just… that’s very frustrating. I see that as a definite red flag.
3. [Physical interaction] Since you two have never met, how do you know that he is not doing this to five or six other women? It’s definitely a possibility that you’re not the only woman that he’s in a "serious" relationship with.
4. [Trust] How do you know that this guy is really who he even says he is? That’s a definite concern.
5. [My final thoughts] If you do decide to break it off with him, it’s going to be hard. It’s so easy to pick up the phone, to turn on the computer and be able to communicate with him. He’s been your safety net, your go-to guy for a long time and it’s very hard to break a habit. Especially when you’re in love. It’s also harder since you’re in your 40s and you might feel like it’s harder to meet people at this age, than say when you were a little younger. By no means am I saying you are old, I just want to look at the situation realistically.
I sincerely hope this helps. From what I’ve read, this guy seems like a big mistake.
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GOODNESS girlie, that is not a way that a fiance should be acting. How can you go from never meeting to living together, he could be cheating on you everyday and you dont even know. reality check
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Could you please tell my why he is telling me these things? UGH!…It hurts.?
Ok…I am in a long-distance, but very intense, relationship with my fiance’. Yes, I did meet him on the internet. No, we have not yet met in person. We are both in our early 40s. Yes, we really do have plans to get married and live together, once I can get the place ready that we will be living in, so in other words, it is not just a cyber-fantasy that we don’t take seriously. We have known each other now for, over one year. We are both divorced.
-I’d say about a year ago, he told me he was out riding on his bicycle, and a woman really caught his eye by jogging near where he was on his bike, with her breasts bouncing all over the place as she jogged. It almost "made him fall off his bike" or "crash" or "stopped him right in his tracks" or blah blah blah-whatever he said. I guess he was quite mesmermized by the sight.
I just shrugged it off, and I don’t remember saying much about it, in reaction, and I didn’t make a big deal about it. Just shrugged it off, even though it kind of hurt.
-Then, several months ago, he told me that he was on the local train, and a woman was sitting across from him, attending to her child who was squirming all over the place or what have you…whatever the child was doing, I don’t know, but the woman had to bend over to do something or get something, and he said when she bent over to do this, he could see her breast cleavage and her bra. (Yes he is definitely a "Breast Man".)
Again, I just shrugged it off, and didn’t make a big deal of it. Yes it hurt, but I don’t think I let on, that it hurt.
-Now, what happened just last night, was this. He told me that when he was at the clinic yesterday, having a blood draw, the lady nurse who was doing it, kept bumping his arm with her breasts, as she was preparing to do the draw. And it gets worse. He said he "almost got an erection" from her doing that. I am wondering if he really did get one, actually. But he told me he almost did or "close to it".
I then asked him something like, if he’d date her, and he said something like, "YES, if I was single, but now I am spoken for and taken." (Meaning by me.) He also said something about, if he ever had a female doctor who was good-looking, and she was examining him, he’d get erect, from that, too.
You can imagine how hurt I was from hearing all this. I wonder how he would feel if we were chatting on the phone and I told him, "Wow, there’s an employee at a grocery store here who is really hot, and when I asked him a question about the make-up they sell there, he stood so close to me, I almost got wet from it! And I’d date him, if I was single!"
First of all, I am wondering why he even told me about all these incidents. And do you think, he is treating me like "one of the guys"? I would think it’s a bad sign in a relationship, when your man speaks to you like you’re a male friend and not his girlfriend. Why do they do that?
Second of all, are these all subtle or not-so-subtle red flags that he will cheat on me? I have always thought, from the start of it all, that I couldn’t expect loyalty in this relationship, even though he keeps telling me over and over that "he doesn’t want anyone else" and "he is devoted to me."
I should probably also mention, that he does 6-hour long, non-stop chats on Yahoo IM with a girl he used to have a crush on, who lives in Canada. Yes, that’s right, 6 hour-long chats, if not longer. And he talks to other girls, too, in live chat, but insists that all of them are "just friends".
A while back, I talked to my therapist about this, and I am trying to remember what she said. I think she said, if I remember right,-mind you, that yes, it is possible for men to chat online with women who are just friends, and, to not jump to conclusions or assume things, and just to quietly and carefully observe.
I would love your feedback on this, please. I can’t tell what’s normal and harmless, or, what could be a prelude to cheating. I don’t know if I am over-reacting or not, but I am very hurt and quite scared…and confused as to why he is even telling me such things, and feeling such things, for other women. And, I wonder if I am even enough for him. I am no beauty queen, and my breasts are only a size "C", and he likes big breasts. However, I think his ex-wife and ex-fiance’ were only a size "C" when he met them.
Now you ask, does he have a history of cheating? Yes. I know of one incident when he was with his fiance’, living with her, and, he proposed to another female on the computer, who lived in a neighboring town, who said "yes". His original fiance’ had bipolar disorder and possibly borderline personality disorder, plus issues from being abused in her past, so at times they had a strained, bad relationship. However, they were still having sex a LOT…so, how bad could it have been at that time, really?
Well, in a small nutshell, he would tell fiance’ number 2, all in secret of course, that he loved her and wanted to marry her, and they m
Well, in a small nutshell, he would tell fiance’ number 2, all in secret of course, that he loved her and wanted to marry her, and they made plans to meet. Then he’d log off, and go have sex with fiance’ number 1, only moments after telling fiance’ number 2, that he loved her, and that he would become her husband, and he made secret plans to go out to where she was staying and be with her. So he was cheating on both of them, at the same time.
He suddenly one day, surprised fiance’ number 1 by leaving her, (as far as I know, she didn’t see it coming, and had no warning about it) and off he went to be with the other girl, and left on his bicycle. He was with the girl in person, for a few days, things didn’t work out, fiance’ number 2 was also mentally ill and had a change of heart towards him, when they met in person, a few days into his visit there, so he returned back to fiance’ number 1, who let him back in and took him back. They are no longer together and do not even live in the same state. It ended on bad terms with bad blood between them. Although he did say the other day, he is tempted to call her on the phone and warn her about what he suspects the current man she may be with, may be doing.
Well, I am sitting here, hurt and confused, wondering about, not just the long haul, but even the present. A little voice in me has always screamed that there will be no faithfulness in the relationship, but I could be wrong.
I just have no way of knowing. What do think, about all this?
Do you think he will be loyal to me? He did tell me about the breast incidents but I found out about the thing with the past fiance’s on my own, thanks to archived messages in a forum. Are these all very bad signs? How much danger am I in? What’s going to happen?
I have no idea what to expect, how to feel, what to believe, or anything. Any opinions and advice, greatly welcomed and treasured.
Ok, ok, everybody, I apologize for the length of this and being too wordy. People want to know why I’m with him…because he is very sweet, patient with me, tender but manly and masculine, accepts me for who I am, protective of me, is gentle with me, he is very intelligent, he has never left me or abandoned me or told me "he needed time alone" or "needed his space", I could go on and on. He really is a wonderful person, there is just this thing with the breasts that is throwing me off.